Long Time Coming...

I haven't been here in awhile, I 've been going thru somethings, trying to process, trying to decide which path to go down. I still haven't decided, but I am definately getting closer. Things are starting to fall into place and I am starting to see more clearly the things I should have seen a long time ago, many, many years ago. I have such a hard time letting go, moving on, moving forward, I usually don't unless I'm forced. I guess maybe I am, in a way, being forced to make a choice. I hate feeling that I have been used. I would be ok with it, if I actually knew it ahead of time. I really am the kind of person that if you are honest and upfront with me, can actually handle anything. I don't like the way I feel right now, betrayal is a very uncomfortable feeling for me. I have had so many people in my life betray me. {even 1 is too many} I am just dissapointed that I put faith in other people and end up feeling used. Very tired of that I can tell you. I think what bothers me the most is that even though I believed this person, actually one of the few people in my life that I have completely trusted, could do this to me. But, then I have that annoying little voice in the back of my mind telling me "hey dumb ass, you should have read the writing on the wall". Yep, that voice sucks. I just can't seem to shut it up though. I have this annoying quality of always believing the best, the fing pollyanna shit, always, always gets me. I keep trying to myself that I should be sad, but I'm not. I think that maybe after all this time of being let down and being dissapointed, I just don't have anything left.